


penny candy and soda pop

by haipollai



Category: Captain America
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Best Friends Forever, Coming Out, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, M/M, Multi, Quickies, Scottie Snottie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-20
Updated: 2013-01-20
Packaged: 2017-11-26 04:05:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/646360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haipollai/pseuds/haipollai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>They're eleven when they kiss the first time. As practice for the future. They tell themselves that because it's practice, it doesn't really count. Therefore Bucky's first kiss is Gretchen, and Steve's is Sharon.</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>And through every kiss after, they pretend they're not thinking of each other.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	penny candy and soda pop

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lanyon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lanyon/gifts).



Bucky juggles the ball between his feet, unconsciously counting each time. The numbers fill up his head, something solid to focus on.

He pretends not to be but he's good with numbers, they make an easy kind of sense. Sometimes words get screwed up in his head, the letters with all their swirls. Steve helps, he sits down with Bucky and helps him make sense of the words. If all else fails, he reads them out loud for Bucky.

It's getting dark out, he needs to get home soon. His parents will be wondering where he is, but he's not ready to go yet.

He hears the doors of the school open but doesn't look up, focusing on the ball, knocking it over to Steve. "Hey Buck."

"You all done?"

Steve smiles and tosses the ball back. "Finished, you coming over for dinner?"

Bucky shrugs as they start walking, dropping the ball to the ground and keeping it a few steps ahead of him. "Don't know, Dad might want me home."

When they're a block away from the school, Steve reaches for his hand, holding tightly. "Come over, please."

-

Bucky is five when Sarah Rogers and her son move into the apartment next to theirs. They become best friends and no one is particularly surprised.

As kids they run around pretending to be superheroes. They come up with elaborate worlds and race each other to and from school. Their parents get used to having an extra mouth to feed at dinner.

At eight, Bucky's dad makes Bucky start playing soccer. He says a kid needs more than one friend. Steve's mom likes the idea and Steve starts playing football.

The plans backfire, they walk back and forth to practice together everyday.

-

They're eleven when they kiss the first time. As practice for the future. They tell themselves that because it's practice, it doesn't really count. Therefore Bucky's first kiss is Gretchen, and Steve's is Sharon.

And through every kiss after, they pretend they're not thinking of each other.

They never talk about their kiss again; not for years. Not until they've had too much to drink and no girlfriends, they stop worrying about it. There's no overthinking, no thinking at all. It's messy and sloppy. Their pants are kicked away but trying to get off anything else feels like too much work.

They fall asleep on Steve's bed, tangled up. Inseparable just like always. Bucky wakes up with a mouthful of blond hair and someone else's hand on his ass. He doesn't move, doesn't even breathe in case Steve wakes up and panics.

Except Steve is already moving and Bucky just has to remember this all. Remember Steve because he doubts Steve would want to be his friend anymore. He's not sure they can be friends.

Steve lifts his head slowly to look at him. His eyes are huge this close. Big and terrified.

"Good morning," Bucky breathes. No sense in hiding.

"We made out."

Bucky swallows hard and nods as much as the pounding in his head lets him. "We did."

"You're not running away."

"Neither are you."

Steve smiles slowly. Steve has two smiles, the one he uses when he's lying and then his real one, that lights up his entire face. This is his real one. Bucky feels something twist in his stomach, he's pretty sure he's supposed to be too young to crash head over heels for someone.

But maybe they've always loved each other. Since they ran around with towels tied around their necks.

"I want to kiss you again," Steve whispers. "Is that okay?"

"Please."

They're still not very good at this but it matters so much less with Steve than any girl he's dated.

They shower together, getting rid of the sweat and come clinging to their skins from last night. Both of them wrap around each other to fit into the small stall. Steve keeps on stealing kisses that make Bucky blush. Steve is still a little behind him with puberty, so he's shorter but broader from practice. He hasn't stopped growing yet though. Unlike Bucky.

He whispers i think i like you too much, against Steve’s skin. Steve doesn’t answer, but he doesn’t have to. it’s in the way Steve has his arms around him. The way he smiles, and how they kiss.

It terrifies Bucky but he can't let go.

His hands move lower, over Steve's ass, grinning when the touch turns Steve bright red.

"I thought about you, when I was kissing Darcy."

"Darcy? Cheerleader? She's a good kisser. I'm touched."

Steve pauses, his lips on Bucky's. "How do you know that?"

"Hm?"

Steve laughs, but it might be a giggle. "You jerk. When?"

"I do not kiss and tell."

"Don't call yourself a gentleman, I know you too well."

Bucky blushes and drops his head to Steve's shoulder. He wants to ask what they're doing, if they're dating, or if this is like practice again. The water turns cold as they stand there and they quickly turn it off.

There's nothing but them now. No other sounds. Steve's mom is gone. Suddenly they're no longer touching and Bucky wishes he had something to hide himself. He's never been shy around Steve but now they've kissed, Steve has jerked him off.

Everything could change.

They don't move, standing facing each other in the shower.

"Do you maybe want to go see a movie later?" Steve breaks the silence, his eyes darting around. Trying to look anywhere but at Bucky's body.

"Like a date?"

"Like a date."

Bucky smiles and reaches for a towel, using it to pull Steve against him. They're both red and Bucky feels a little better, seeing Steve is scared too. "I'd like to go on a date with you," he murmurs.

-

They only hold hands when they're in the theater, in case anyone sees. Bucky realizes they'll have to talk about that. Who do they tell. When do they tell. Two of the top athletes at the school, dating. They should be with girls like Darcy and Sharon and Peggy.

They share popcorn and Bucky gets M&Ms because he knows they're Steve's favorite.

Steve rests his head on Bucky's shoulder at some point. Bucky's breath catches in his throat but after a minute, Bucky relaxes. It's no different than being on a date with any girl, it's just Steve. His best friend since he was five.

They hold hands until they're a block away from home and it's so hard to let go.

"Steve?"

They stop walking, only a few steps from the corner and the street that leads home.

"Are we…are we boyfriends?"

Steve grins and Bucky thinks that maybe Steve has three smiles, and one is just for him.

-

It's easy and impossibly hard to hide in plain sight.

No one questions the two spending all their time together, they did that anyway. But Toro nudges Bucky towards Gretchen and everyone thinks Steve and gymnast Sharon Carter are going to hook up.

Bucky winks at Gretchen when they pass in the halls. He flirts when they have history together.

He hears from one of his teammates about Sharon and Steve kissing. Something must show on his face because they tease him about losing his soulmate. He manages to smile and says it's good for Steve, he needs a girl.

That night he throws up and wonders why Steve doesn't say a word.

He tries to ask Steve the next morning but he's scared of Steve judging him. Of thinking Bucky doesn't trust him and the one thing they've figured out is they have to trust each other. Steve swears the kiss never happened. He'd never, not even to keep their secret.

He pulls the covers over their heads and kisses Bucky, there in the heavy quiet before they have to get up.

And Bucky has to trust him. This is his Steve. Bucky's never wanted anything or anyone so bad in his life.

-

It's easier during the summer, when they have two months before pre-training for the season starts. When there are no classes and no practices and they don't need to put on a show for hundreds of other teenagers. They go jogging in the morning together and when they can, they shower together. Steve draws all the time over the summer, painstakingly putting together a portfolio to submit. Bucky lounges in the sun and wonders about what he should be doing with his life.

They have to work, but Steve interns at the newspaper and Bucky waits tables at a local diner. No one thinks twice when they visit each other. They've always done that.

For a little bit, they pretend it's going to last forever. They think they can do this.

They'll be the high school sweethearts who last forever.

-

They don't really talk about college. They talk about colleges, different programs, things to study. But leaving, going away. That part they don't talk about.

Steve doesn't want to play football forever. He talks about studying art or graphic design. He talks about going to school together. Really living together.

Bucky doesn't talk about anything. He hopes Steve doesn't notice, lets him think that maybe he'll be one of the lucky few Americans to turn soccer into a career.

Except Steve knows him too well by now.

They sit next to each other, shoulder to shoulder. Bucky works on homework while Steve pokes around at his applications.

"If you want to break up with me or take a break or something during college, I understand," Steve says all in one breath, not looking up.

Bucky gives him a horrified look. "Do you really think that?"

"You never talk about it…I assumed you didn't want to hurt my feelings."

Bucky sets the homework aside and slides down the bed to curl up with his head in Steve's lap. It's something else they don't talk about, how badly Bucky needs this. Someone to hold him, someone who actually gives comfort; Bucky's not even sure if Steve knows. Steve's hand curls in his hair. "Dad said we might not have the money. He told me to look at community colleges or follow him into the military, but not to expect much if I get accepted anywhere."

Steve's taller than him now, so when he slides down to curl up around Bucky, he surrounds him. "We'll make it work."

"Maybe he's right Steve, I don't know what I want to do with myself, why waste the money?"

"Because I don't want to hear that you've died on the other side of the fucking world. And I won't leave you behind." His arms tighten around Bucky, holding him as close as possible. Bucky doesn't want to make promises he can't keep so he just stays quiet, listens to Steve breathe.

He tries to think of living without Steve and it just hurts.

-

Steve gets nominated Homecoming King, to no one's surprise, and takes Sharon. They're a beautiful couple, everyone can't stop saying it.

Bucky asks Natasha.

All four of them go together to a party at Namor's, one of the only kids in their grade wealthy enough to have a house. If anyone notices Steve and Bucky slip away to an empty bedroom together, no one says anything.

Steve kisses him hard enough to bruise, spurred on by alcohol and music and hormones. He kisses him until the taste of Sharon is gone and Bucky's lips are bruised.

-

They come out to their families on Thanksgiving. Not out of any sense of the holiday, but everyone is there. Sarah has been coming over to the Barnes' for Thanksgiving since Bucky was seven and asked his parents pretty please if Steve and his mommy could.

They're a few months into their senior year. They think they're masters of their universe. Captains of their team. There are rumors of scholarships, of going professional.

Except that Scott Summers walked in on them in the locker room yesterday and by the end of Thanksgiving break, the entire school will know that two potential sports stars are gay.

It seems only right that their families know.

They wait until the food is all served and Bucky's dad is bellowing for them to get their butts into the dining room right now or sit out the meal upstairs.

They hold hands tightly, gripping so tightly it hurts and walk in together.

"Dad-"

"Mom-"

They both speak at the same time. Steve smiles at Bucky and nudges him with an elbow. Bucky's not sure how he can smile right then.

The entire room is quiet and focused on them.

"What is it, James?" His mom finally prompts gently. His dad's lips are pressed in a thin line but Bucky was taught to look people in the eye, they're all idiots anyway. So Bucky looks him in the eye.

"Steve and I are dating, have been for almost a year." He wonders if his parents are less or more likely to disown him if he faints.

There's the scrape of chair legs over the floor and Sarah is coming over to them. She rests a hand on both of their shoulders and Bucky can feel Steve tense. But she's smiling.

"We know, boys."

"What?"

"I think I'm gonna be sick," Bucky mumbles. Sarah kisses his forehead and then her son's cheek.

"We're your parents, of course we know. Come on now, sit down." She nudges them towards the table and carefully they sit down, as if they expect the laughter and mockery to come any minute.

Bucky looks at his dad. "You really knew?" His dad gives him a small smile and nods, passing him a bowl of mashed potatoes. "And you don't care?"

"You're my son. And I've got Becca to give me grandkids."

Bucky stares down at his lap, just trying to process that his former Marine Corp Dad really accepts him. He's broken out of it by Steve nudging his shoulder. "Do I have to feed you? Because that might be a line."

Bucky shakes his head hard and finally looks around. Becca is telling their parents about her reading for class. Steve has loaded up his plate with food and Bucky thinks he really might be hopelessly in love. He reaches under the table for Steve's hand, squeezing tightly. "I'm thankful for you, Rogers," he whispers.

Steve blushes. Steve always blushes when they start saying sappy things, it's comfortably consistent. "I'm thankful for you too, Barnes," he mumbles.

-

They walk to school together like they do every other day. Except this morning they hold hands and Becca has her arm through one of Bucky's. She whines about being up early after a break, filling up the awkward silence.

Jim and Toro, their co-captains, are waiting by the front doors for them.

Jim takes one look at their hands and nods.

Toro grins. "Knew you were getting laid, Bucky. Good to know who by."

"F-Screw you, Raymond," Bucky grumbles, remembering his sister was still with them.

"No way, I think Rogers has that covered."

Becca sighs dramatically. "I'll see you later." She makes her way to Steve and whispers something into his ear that makes Steve bite his lip. And then she's gone. Other kids are moving around them. Some give them a look, most just move past.

"Are we still okay?" Steve asks, focusing on Jim.

Jim rolls his eyes. "Why wouldn't we be? I don't want to be a solo captain of this team."

They have different first periods and Steve holds his hand until the last minute when without warning, Steve pulls him close and kisses him. "Becca told me to," he whispers.

By lunchtime everyone knows. Bucky can hear the whispers and feel them all staring as he makes his way through the lunch room to their usual table. Prime real estate, right in the center with the world revolving around them. Steve is already there with Jim and a few teammates from both their teams. Some cheerleaders too.

Bucky takes the chair next to Steve, holding his breath and waiting for something. Someone to say something. He can see Scott Summers, one of the junior captains on the football team, at another table with his own clique. Bucky hates him, even though Steve keeps on trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.

His eyes meet Bucky's and he sneers something to his cohorts which makes them all laugh.

Steve gets his focus back by squeezing his hand and Darcy comes around and settles in his lap.

"So this means you're off the menu, Barnes?"

"Sorry Darcy."

She shrugs. "Hook me up with your goalkeeper and I'll forgive you."

He laughs, and if it's a bit anxious only Steve can tell.

"You mean you can't get Thor all on your own?" Toro butts in, pulling up another chair and squeezing in next to Bucky. "Disappointed in you D."

Darcy steals some of Bucky's fries and moves back to her own seat. Natasha's already stolen it, but the two girls squeeze together. "Good thing I don't live on your opinion alone, Toro."

Natasha and Bucky have their next class together so she leaves lunch with him, waiting patiently as Steve tugs him in for another kiss. For the second they kiss, Bucky can't breathe, knowing everyone is watching but he won't disappoint Steve by pulling away.

Natasha loops one arm through his as they walk. They met in middle school and dated for two weeks when they were thirteen. Natasha's group doesn't include him as much anymore, but they're still friends. Her silent support next to him makes some of the tension in his shoulders ease. "I want to thank you," she says softly. "For coming out."

"Why?"

"You're not the only one with some secrets."

-

Scott and some of his friends corner them after school, including Piotr, the big, burly, Russian exchange student. Since puberty, Steve's been bigger than Bucky and shoves Bucky back protectively. As if Bucky would ever let him get into a fight on his own.

They end up with two black eyes between them and Bucky's stomach feels like a car hit it but Scott leaves with worse. Worst of all, Piotr gets a stern lecture from Steve about fighting, with every single trick to guilt someone he learned from his mom.

And the next day the entire school knows the two fags can fight.

No one gets punished for it but Bucky has heard stories and knows it could be worse.

-

Steve gets into a few of his schools. Bucky gets into two but only gets a scholarship for one. But he knows without asking, that as soon as Steve sees the acceptance letter from Pratt, that's where he's going, it doesn't matter what other schools say yes.

Bucky takes his letter of acceptance to his dad.

"Are you going to say yes?"

Bucky stares down at the letter. They're offering him money, not a full ride, but enough he could make it work. "No." He takes a deep breath and wills himself to continue. "If I don't go, then there's more money for Becca. And she deserves it more."

"James." His dad only calls him James when he's being serious. Bucky's throat tightens and he finally looks up. His expression isn't soft, but he's not angry. "You deserve it, you deserve whatever life you want." Bucky blinks hard, fighting back tears. His dad might have just said I love you. "I'm proud of you no matter what. Just make sure that whatever you decide, you do it for you."

"Yes, sir," Bucky breathes, not trusting his voice to go any louder without cracking.

"Have you told Steve?" His dad doesn't wait for an answer, his guilt must be written all over his face. "You'll break his heart."

Bucky looks down at the paper in his lap, crumbled up from his hands. Very carefully, he makes his fingers loosen and relax, letting go of the paper and smoothing it out. "How did you tell mom?"

His dad sighs and for a moment he's quiet, focused on some old memory. "I promised her I'd come home," he finally says.

Steve has two hours left before he's home from work. Bucky waits for him in the Rogers' kitchen, while Sarah works on a crossword. She excuses herself when Steve gets home and Bucky has no escape. Nothing to do but tell him his decision.

He doesn't know what he expects. If Steve will protest and argue or if he'll just accept it. He doesn't know what he wants Steve to do.

"You're going to leave me," Steve says softly. He holds both of Bucky's hands in his.

"Yea well. I don't have your skills, Steve. I'm not quite good enough to get money for anything."

"You're good enough for me."

Bucky kisses him, knowing they're on borrowed time now. Once he's enlisted, Steve will have to be a secret again. "You're a sap."

Steve runs his fingers through Bucky's hair and Bucky knows that this is hurting him. They've never been apart. Bucky and Steve against the world. Bucky doesn’t know if he is strong enough to do this alone.

-

Steve goes to school close to home, but Bucky stays with his parents. Waiting out the time until boot camp starts. Bucky helps Steve move into his dorm. He wanted to stay at home, but his mother insisted. He needs to be a boy, they'll make the extra cost work, she said. They're there before Steve's roommate and they end up spending the night at Bucky's anyway, pressed as close as possible. Trying to pretend nothing is changing, not really.

He works as much as possible, putting in full time hours at a local diner, earning a little extra cash. With Steve busy with school, there's almost no time and Bucky misses when he could just go down the hall to see him.

Bucky tells himself it's practice. Getting used to being apart. It doesn't make it any easier.

Time goes too fast and there's not nearly enough of it before Bucky has to leave for boot camp. Steve is there to see him off with his parents and they can't even kiss goodbye.

Bucky boards the plane to Oklahoma and boot camp. High school is over.

**Author's Note:**

> betaed by this_girl_is  
> title adapted from lyrics in defeater's brothers  
> posting because lanyon FINALLY wrote me more stefan <3


End file.
